Lately I've been playing fast and loose with my advice giving.  Which wouldn't be a big deal except that it's a lot of advice about things I have no experience.  Weirdly a lot of relationship starting advice, self esteem, health, and career negotiation advice weirdly has been coming out of my mouth.  Which is nuts, because all of my thoughts are based on observation of others rather than personal experience, e.g., I catch myself taking a friend to task for taking the initial rounds of online dating too seriously (think of it like a party where people are being introduced, don't get super serious right away and that's why you're creeped out by the seemingly nice but overly serious folks sending you questions); or how I've been railing against what I call "pseudo-dating" which is pretty prevalent in my asian christian circles and drives me batty. 

I mean what do I know!? Ridiculous.  Or how I've been talking to a friend about nutrition when clearly I am the one who needs the most help amongst my friends. Or financial advice despite having quit my job. With no back up.  (whee, exercises in faith!)

I better check myself before I wreck myself.  It'd be oh so funny (but not really) if I ended doing all the things I railed against. You know how those stories go.

I'm finally getting over the flu that laid me to waste earlier this week.  I've never been so sick so quickly before.  I could feel my myself progress from fine to sore throat, to headache, to chills and aches, to wishes for death.  And of course the healing process of feeling myself emerge from the sickroom symptom by symptom. Current nose status: stuffed.  I also didn't think it possible to the point I was thinking of donating some of my mugs, but while sick I think I used almost every mug as I funneled tea into my food deprived body.  The mugs stay!

As I lay in bed, doing my best to keep from coughing up a lung, the thought crossed my mind that this was why people got married.  Not that anyone could do anything for me, just to know that if something needed to be done there was someone I wouldn't feel bad about crossing the sick room's threshold.  Of course, in typical morbid fashion that led me to think about dying alone and the state of my room that someone would have to go through. Probably my mother.  Who would probably keel over from the mess. 

Basically, being sick made me want to clean my room. So, silver lining?

My brother lost his patience and switched the family over to Verizon. Through a series of misadventures not my fault, I now have two phones neither of which will make or receive calls. Poop.  But I have to remind myself, I don't use my phone that often.  If I can lose my phone in the shuffle and hustle of life for three days and not really notice I can live without this for a while.  Even if it does limit my on the go Twittering.

You don't want to hear more of inane ramblings?

Also, amongst my contacts I have 4 "Peters" and more of my friends have names that start with J than any other letter.

Before I got sick, I had my favorite scoop of ice cream possibly in my life.  Salted honey.  I couldn't stop thinking about it. Or talking about it.  Or thinking about talking about it.

Current library haul has titles such as:

• American Nerd
• The Man Who Loved Books Too Much (very excited to read this account of a book thief and the guy hunting the book thief. It's like the ultimate nerdy heist story)
• Kabul Beauty School: An American Woman Goes Behind the Veil (very nervous about reading this.  I have this thing about western women who exotify and romanticize the east.  cough*elizabethgilbert*cough but I've heard enough good things that I'm curious)
• Scott Pilgrim Vol. 1 (I've been hunting for this for a loooong time. Finally.  Rating: Awesome.  Also this led to an interesting convo with the reference librarian about good graphic novels for teens)
• Glee the Music. Vol. 2 (don't judge)

As much as I've enjoyed this nonfiction stint.  Any good novel recommendations (that aren't depressing)?  I kind of miss reading good fiction. (I know there are tons of great depressing books that reveal truths about the human condition blah blah blah. But I'm kind of looking for something that won't make me turn on the news to feel good about being alive.)

Continuing on my theme of self indulgence, please bear with me as I get a bit philosophical.

I've been thinking a lot about beautiful things lately. Like everyone else, I enjoy and appreciate beautiful things but it's never been a priority for me to integrate pretty things into my life.  I happily used and continue to use generic furniture, have ugly walls, mismatched bedding, lived for years without a bed and just made do with a comforter in a corner on the floor. Don't get me wrong, I've always tried to achieve delicious tasting food and listen to soul stirring, heart changing, and body moving music.  But beautiful/pretty things for the eyes was not something I really thought about or tried to incorporate into my daily life.

In the past couple years I've been trying though.  Maybe taking up photography helped a bit - looking at beautiful pictures and trying to create images that have some visual impact and meaning is exercising a part of my brain and heart that I didn't even know was hungry for attention until I started to try and pay attention to it.  [Yet, I've always loved art museums, one of my favorite things to do when I had time was walk the Metropolitan Museum of Art and look at this painting. Though out in LA with the driving and the parking and the traffic, if push comes to shove between an art museum or the Science Center, Science Center hands down.]

Van Gogh's First steps. It's such a little painting, and almost trite in its image. Grander, more spectacular, more colorful and many fantastic things also exist at the Met. But I always went to this painting before leaving the museum. 

Anyways, last year when I moved I asked for my friend's help in making my living space prettier -- she helped design color and fabric and helped to try to make the space prettier while fitting with my goal of spending as little as possible.  Heck, the fact that I spent a single dollar on anything simply for the pursuit of visual joy is a big step for me! But as I went through the process of deciding what is pretty and what makes me happy then trying to create it, I feel a greater willingness to go out of my way for pretty and beautiful things.  [Let's not get crazy though, it's still pretty low on my priorities when compared to things like oh, food, music and bills].

Then today I reread the article about the experiment of having Joshua Bell play in a D.C. subway terminal and the people who passed by without noticing vs the children who stopped to try and listen or the individuals who recognized and stood in awe of the talent and beauty of the music.  Years ago, the first time I read it, I cried.  I mean sobbing tears.  On so many levels it broke my heart but it didn't really change anything about how I live my life and my relationship with beauty. Music and food have always sparked a visceral sort of appreciation in my heart and soul (and stomach).  

I'm realizing lately that beautiful things have value beyond a burst of pleasure.  Beautiful things help me glimpse slices of joy and the awesomeness of God.  But I'm also realizing that I may need to practice seeing and integrating beauty into my life, otherwise I might miss something beautiful because I just wasn't looking for it. 

I think I shall make that my theme for the year, to be like a little child in rejoicing in beautiful things. Just because. 

Good morning.  Right now I am drinking a rather tasty cup of coffee and thinking about a delicious scoop of ice cream I had yesterday night (salted honey -- freaking delicious).  I woke up surprisingly early and had a couple of eggs and toast with a touch of Irish butter.  I feel like I should now be going off to the fields to earn my wages but instead I am blogging.  My parents with their incredible work ethic probably gaze at wonderment at me and my generation. 

How self indulgent am I?

I wish I had some bacon. 

Reading:

• Reason For God, Timothy Keller
• The God Delusion, Richard Dawkins
• Things I've Learned from Women Who Dumped Me, edited by Ben Karlin
• American on Purpose, Craig Ferguson
• Faith of Scientists, edited by Nancy Frankenberry
• Songbook, Nick Hornby
• Proust was a Neuroscientist, Jonah Lehrer

One of the best things about not working is the massive amounts of reading I get to do.  This is the current crop of books from the library.  I recently finished reading some terrible books but the best of the last crop of books was How We Decide. Absolutely LOVED it.  Just my favorite type of book of late -- non fiction that reads quickly but gives me interesting nuggets of information.  I love the library.

Listening to:

• Sara Watkins, Sara Watkins
• Why Should the Fire Die, Nickel Creek
• B-sides and Rarities, Cake
• Best of Patsy Cline, Patsy Cline
• First Impressions of the Earth, the Strokes
• The Best of Elvis Costello, Elvis Costello

Music makes me happy. I forgot how much I love the Strokes until this past week.  There's something about the throaty quality of the lead singer's voice that just gets me.  love it. 

Watching:

• Community
• True Grit
• Say Yes to the Dress

Lately caught up via DVD and internet Community. I am mad at myself for not sticking through the terrible pilot to watch the awesomeness that is Community. There's a character on the show that relates the world he sees through tv tropes and sometimes I feel like people in the real world also try to reduce life to tidy motivations and problems. I'm so glad I watched True Grit, I can't decide what other movies I should watch. I bought 4 discount passes before I quit, so I get 4 movies in the theater.  What should I watch?  Something light on substance but heavy on visual effects? Something that will move me?  Green Lantern? Kings Speech?  The Fighter? what needs to be watched in the theater?  And finally my guilty pleasure, Say Yes to the Dress.  It's this horrible embodiment of materialism and marketing and I can't turn away.  It's so utterly fascinating watching these unattractive dresses being bought into as part of the "dream" and the jealousies and drama that are part of that.  Someone pass the popcorn.

funny and meta

an eighties call back,

well done, tucci, stone!

I started typing at 11:11 pm.

The symmetry was just irresistible.

Today, after the traditional ritual and chaos we time traveled a bit via digital photos from our traditional new year's celebrations from ten years ago. 

Wow. I feel old, especially as the fleeting nature of these celebrations was underscored by grandmother's fragility and the lack of interest by the various younger cousins.  This must be what my parents feel on a smaller scale as they witness their valued traditions and cultural keystones slowly whittled away or devalued by me and my brother.  Sigh. 

But the new years' blessings I received were forward looking, so I will instead reflect on some of my goals and resolutions for this new year:

• learn how to sing!
• finish the dang doublesided scarf
• use up all my almond flour by making lots of macarons
• job!
• get rid of some of the tshirts I saw I was wearing in the slide show from 10 years ago.  goodness gracious, ridiculous.
• watch True Grit.

(threw a for sure attainable goal in there)

now there are 30 minutes left of the first day of 2011, and then it becomes just another day, week, and year to struggle and work and hope and play and laugh and cry in. 

I think I shall take the next 30 minutes and just settle and slide into 2011 in the proper reflective and pensive mood for a new year's post.  

364 more to go.

30.5 (abouts) years lived.

27 goals written to achieve by 30, 10 achieved.  (still do on my list: learn to drive stick, write a novel, climb half dome, go fishing and learn how to gut and scale a fish, learn to develop black and white film, finish harry potter in korean, figure out new career, learn a song on the guitar and mandolin, etc.) (among achievements unlocked: 10k, going an entire month without wearing t-shirts, learning how to make kimchi, throwing out 30 things, having a b-day party, catering my own b-day party, and making a satisfactory version of the kogi taco)

25 episodes of Community watched in 3 days.  (good lord I love this show.  I can't believe I missed out on this last year)

12 weeks of freedom after quitting my job (I've spent it mostly in other cities or sleeping)

79% humidity morning of the Austin 10k Plus Adventure race (UGH. HUMIDITY IS THE WORST)

32 finishing out of 33 for the Austin 10k Plus Adventure race (at least I finished! and I wasn't the last!)

6 more weeks I should have trained for the 10k

6 U.S. cities visited mostly dependent on the gracious hospitality of friends: Bakersfield, D.C., Austin, New York, Seattle, New Orleans (loved bakersfield's chick-fil-a and schlotzky's; D.C.'s Kim family hospitality and adorable baby; Austin's adorable baby, tacos, and bbq; New York's familiarity, food, friends, and studly baby; Seattle's coffee, surprisingly excellent weather, and double rainbow all the way babies; and NoLa's philosophy of excess re pastries, catching up with old friends, generosity and too much by way of cuteness re babies and puppy) hrmmm.... i think I sense a theme.

1 Canadian city (Vancouver!!!!!! I love Canada!)

4 weddings (congrats to MP, S, A, and J all were fabulous, unique, and so, so generous!)

1 roommate lost to wedding (sniff)

1 roommate gained (yay!)

1 apartment move (lost a lot of space but gained a laughable floor plan but a smaller rent, yay?)

1 blues dance festival attended (3 nights of dancing into the wee hours, i was.... footloose teehee)

1 marriage proposal (it was in mcdonalds by a guy who then said perhaps it wouldn't work out because first he'd have to learn how to fold napkins properly before a successful wedding could commence, i am rather irresistible to the crazies)

0 dates. (hopefully i didn't make things awkward)

1lb of meat prepared per person attending my birthday fete.  (Learned that 1lb per person is too much. So noted.)

1 new church family found.  (it's hard for me to commit, but I had to just do it)

4 new classes (bollywood dancing, silk screening, belly dancing, and knitting)

20 concerts or shows attended (that I can recall) including - Watkins Family Hour (many, many times, and every time it is a delight), John C. Reilly's Bluegrass Revue (introduced a friend to bluegrass awesomeness!), Jon Brion (power went out in the middle of one of his shows and it was an amazing night!), "An Oak Tree" a play that I think is beyond me, Chris Thile (bitter, hilarious, fearsomely talented, my love continues to grow for him), American Ballet Theater- Sleeping Beauty (opulent sets, the principal ballerina could have been a bit past her prime but one of the dancers from the movie Center Stage was there and got lots of cheering from the audience), Rodrigo y Gabriela (they have mad skillz), Los Angeles Chamber Orchestra <3, Phoenix (je t'aime), Florence and the Machine (fiercely amazing!), West Side Story (great dancing, singing should have been better), In the Heights (love lin manuel, probably the only person I'd go see a rapping musical for), Accomplice! (Hollywood  mystery game!), Thrilling Adventure Hour!, Andrew Bird (violin is so cool); Michael Buble (I have such a crush on that man, it's rather unbecoming), Weepies (I want to put them in my pocket and take them with me everywhere, they're such an adorable couple)

1 lunar eclipse attempted but failed, but an unquantifiable amount of fun had with friends.

1 life changing book that wasn't the bible.

2 days left to enjoy my self granted freedom from worry and stress about the future.

Innumerable hopes and dreams for 2011.

HIPHOP KIMBOB from Seo on Vimeo.

I was never a huge fan of thinking too much about what to wear or how to do my hair or make up.  It was always what's clean, what's comfortable.  I'm better now, but I always underestimated and still tend to understimate the importance of what you're communicating by the way you dress. 

Case in point:  I went dancing tonight tried out west coast swing (I am terrrrrrrrrible) and blues dancing (I'm okay).  Generally had a good time and danced with a range of people of all sorts, young, old, beginning, advanced, dressed casually (t-shirt and jeans) and dressed formally (vest and tie).    But I suppose there's nothing that more clearly screams "self absorbed" via clothes than the guys that arrived in matching blank tank tops and aviators accessorized with either a fedora or a scarf (draped ever so casually over the black tank top).  First, where do you think you are? C'mon dude, you're in Sacramento. Secondly, if you're gonna dance, constantly checking yourself out in the mirror while dancing with a partner just is so very unattractive, sure you got the moves but good lord I just want to smack you upside the head.

So! If you're at a dance with me, please do not wear your sunglasses in the darkened dance hall and please do not wear a tank top and drape a scarf over your shoulders while wearing a fedora.  It's just not awesome.