Prior to going home for a Thanksgiving feast I spent another lovely week in Seattle in part because I love my Seattle friends (hi, g! hi, j! hi babies!) and also because a couple weekends ago was Emerald City Blues Festival (people from across the country gathering to take lessons and go out blues dancing). Somehow the fact that this festival was taking place in the city of Seattle I talked myself into going by myself into a group of strangers who mostly know each other and participate in classes and dances until 5 in the morning.  

The late night dancing was sandwiched between chilling with friends, early mornings, and daytime naps.  And I delighted in both aspects of my trip -- there's something special about dancing at 3 in the morning with other people who share this interest and the music and the form bringing us together, there's also something special about talking and analyzing your life with friends as well as drawing pictures with adorable babies.  

But what's weird is that this feels like a perfect exemplar of my life generally.  I feel like I have so many disjointed pieces of my life that don't really ever overlap.  Perhaps that's also what these three months are also about -- try to find a way for the 5am going out dancing parts of my life to overlap with the curling up with a good book part of my life.  Maybe that's why I'm comfortable with doing things by myself, because I know that the rest of me is comfortably ensconced in different worlds.  

What's uncomfortable is that I've sort of made friends with some people I met at ECBF but facebook friending means parts of my life are overlapping and having introduced myself by one name but going by another in most of my life.  I don't really know how to gracefully integrate them.  So essentially I haven't developed basic social skills.  :T.

Meh.  Enough naval gazing.  I'd rather think about turkey.

I can't believe it's already been 22 days since I've said good bye to the firm life. Twelve of those days have been either in Seattle or New Orleans and three of those days I've been as sick as a dog. And I'm wondering what I did the other seven.(fn1) As I'm getting over the tail end of a terrible cold I caught I hope that the remaining 10 weeks of this year and my purposeful not going to worry time can be more meaningfully and productively spent.  I know that my natural inclination is to sleep, eat and watch television which is okay when sick (fn2) but not so okay when trying to fight my way to a better life.

Speaking of better life, I just returned from a lovely, lovely, lovely time with some old law school friends reconvened to celebrate the marriage of a dear friend who has also been abused by the law school to firm system as well.(fn3) 

The wedding itself was lovely and the friends were ridiculously gracious and generous. One of the best things in the world to witness is that of a community of people loving and supporting the individuals you love.

Also, New Orleans is filled with good food and tasty drinks,(fn4) but it also desperately needs good urban planning.  I used to complain about Los Angeles' poor urban planning but after NoLa I can't help but be amazed and thankful for consistent street sign placement and one way streets that alternate.  The moment I gave up hoping NoLa streets made sense was when I saw a stop sign at an intersection almost completely hidden by a telephone pole after not being able to turn right for about six blocks as every street was one way  in the same direction. Once I accepted that NoLa was trying to kill me, I had a much more relaxed time. 

I love how insanely in love the people are with the Saints.

(The toilet paper in the guest bathroom of the home that hosted the wedding.  The family that hosted the wedding made we want to give them a big hug and then move in with them. They're pretty amazing.)

Beignets and chicory coffee.  A NoLa tourism staple.  I ate many more things this trip many of which were delicious and kind of insane (salad topped with potato chips?!) many of which were reviewed and suggested by the happy couple's pastor who committed to eating at every non chain restaurant in New Orleans: (the man who ate new orleans) (warning: auto play music).  I wonder if anyone would dare to do that in Los Angeles.  Or even a piece of Los Angeles (have I found my purpose for in post law life?! Will someone make a movie about me?!)

The Mississippi.  The Big Muddy.  There is a danger in seeing in person things which you've grown up with from books and stories.  The Mississippi River to me has been such a huge part of what my image of America is through books and song.  While in my mind I know it's just an important river in terms of commerce and industry, in my heart it carries so many things Huck and Tom, steamboats and industrial revolution, the Blues, boundaries and frontiers, and so many other things.  When I saw it for real as a river surrounded by industry and tourism a little piece of my romantic heart died.  Sigh.

Dessert from the American Sector a "peppermint patty" chocolate mint cookie ice cream sandwich. It was pretty b-bomb.

Some nearly final and trivial thoughts:

• I begin to think I may have over scheduled my post law firm life a bit as I realize I've had only seven days scattered here and there of non tourist time and I have another week of travel planned soon.(fn5)
• I am really looking forward to RockBand 3.  I don't plan on owning the thing but to those of you that will own it.... I may need you to do a Billy Joel night and then invite me. WHAT UP!?!
• I really love weddings and celebrating and as much as I hate many of the traditions and rituals tied up with weddings, I grow to realize more and more that rituals and ceremonies are important and I'm thankful to have been able to participate in my friends' lives and such moments.

(fn1) Today, meaning Thursday October 21, I spent it catching up with an old friend over fish tacos, then had Japanese chicken noodle soup, aka ramen made with chicken broth, lovely but no LA ramen has yet to unseat my fave.

(fn2) I firmly believe that this cold has been shaken so quickly because of the nearly indecent amounts of sleep I got once I returned from NoLa.  Usually, when I catch a cold I stay sick for the entire winter.  The fact that I moved from "if I move from this spot on the couch I will die" to "driving to Studio City for chicken ramen" within three days is pretty astounding.

(fn3) If I had any doubts about quitting they would have been erased as stories about hateful senior associates, chest pains, crazy hours and other accoutrements of the legal life were recounted.  Of course lots of them still enjoy/tolerate what they do and do it well. But they're much better lawyers than I am.

(fn4) While most people go to NoLa for the seriously tasty cocktails (of which there are many) chief among my tasty drinks were the iced coffees.  People, why can't everyone do it this well? Coffee Ice Cubes and a Cold Brewed Coffee!  What I wouldn't give for that kind of iced coffee love here.  sniff.

(fn5) I'm going back to Seattle for babies and a blues dance thing.  I'm crazy nervous about doing that, will probably post about it in an entry full of insecurity and neuroses later.   

It's been about three days since I've thought about work, largely due to the love, fun, and hospitality of my hosts in the Pacific Northwest (I really, really love the salmon here).  It's weird, in the final days of my employment i spared as little thought as possible to my overlords but as I pulled away from the structure and identity that being employed and an attorney provided (not to mention a paycheck) I found myself regretting not doing more for the job, finishing that last thing, or finishing out the case.  It's terrible to feel like I still owe them something.  Fortunately, I've had some adorable babies and beloved friends to keep me distracted and the past few days the only times work has come up in my mind was in explaining that I was no longer employed or an attorney when asked, "So, what do you do?" So far no identity crises yet, though "I just quit!" won't be such an awesome answer in 6 months. 

Plus, J+G took me on a trip to possibly the best place in the world.  Canada.  I have an unnatural love of Canada I know but really, c'mon, Canada is awesome! They say "eh" and the costcos have fantastic fries that you can eat with gravy~ GRAVY, I SAY.

The one downside to this Seattle trip is that I am steadily undoing all the hardwork in health for the past 2 months.  Oh well.  Back to grind soon enough.

One of my favorite aspects of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy was the small but significant detail that the guide for insterstellar hitchhikers would contain the words "don't panic" as its introductory words.  In the past I always got a good chuckle out of it, but now I can't help but feel it was a serious statement aimed to help the fictional readers to be able to get through the unknown and get going. I've been thinking a lot about this today as I've been consciously setting aside and ignoring the rising panic every time I realize what I did -- I quit my well paying job, which I hated and wasn't doing very well in the past few months but still was secure and steady.  But as a good friend whose footsteps I am apparently unknowingly following says, better to feel like throwing up from uncertainty rather than feeling like throwing up because the daily grind was so terrible. (thanks for your encouraging words, J!)

The panic has been fading throughout the day, I'm glad I booked this trip to Seattle.  It's so good to see friends -- they are a good distraction and encouragement to ease me into this new stage in life.  Though I nearly lost an expensive tech gadget today on the plane and I nearly had a heart attack thinking about how I wouldn't be able to afford to replace it now that I just have a steady outcome.  Thank you Jesus and Virgin America customer service.

Hard to believe that day 1 of freedom is coming to a close.  Now I have to think about what to do with this freedom. 

ugh. I think that's a problem for future gus to handle. Tomorrow, present gus will be too busy playing with adorable babies to think too hard about the future.

In the meantime, I just need to remember,

don't panic.

10.... 9 .... 8 ..... 7 ....

Crazy!

when my parents come visit i'm like 13 years old again.  just stayed up 4 hours past my bedtime to get my room into SOME semblance of order and cleanliness. 

goodness, i'm a disaster

i hate 3D.  (yes i watched step up 3d. yes, i enjoyed the dancing.  yes, i still hate 3d.  ugh. and i wish the kids would get off the lawn)

i wish english had more than the word "dumpling" to express the breadth and depth of the numerous variations of dumplings. so inelegant.

i love farmers markets.  there's something about chatting with the vendors and trying new veggies that I love.  got three new pluots i've never had before and some type of leafy green that's actually more reddish black and that tastes faintly of potato.  it also astounds me how cheap they are, I hope they make enough when I think of all the labor involved to allow me to enjoy a perfect pluot it actually makes me a little bit teary.  can't wait to try the heirloom romas, black tomatoes and brandywines!  I think this is one major reason why I can never leave California. 

• I was 4.3 kg when I was born.  (almost 10 lbs!?! whaaat?!)
• how to do my own threading (ladies, holla! that's money in the bank)
• how to make korean pickles
• how to make korean porridge
• that the extra 10 minutes from the airport to the new house is an extra 10 minutes my parents can give me the once (or twice) over and then lecture me about the need to bear many, many children
• what i've been doing wrong in making my beef stock
• instead of oink pigs in korea go gkoorl (i'm not sure how to spell that sound)
• my friend has a very cute baby